MRI - A Prescription for Frank Conversation
A few months ago, I had the opportunity to address a group of our company’s future leaders on the topic of diversity and inclusion. As the group raised questions, and I offered my thoughts in response, there came a moment when I realized that I had been “off script” for a good ten minutes. And it’s not like I’d been saying things that were in any way out of line. But the earnest questions (and challenges) that the group presented had led me away from the safety of the talking points that I’d prepared in my mind. So as I answered the next question, the image of a tightrope came into my mind. I thought to myself that I was in a rather precarious place – at any point, I feared, I could say the wrong thing with the best of intentions…
*****************************************************************************
Eighteen months ago, I raised my hand to lead our company’s efforts to create a diversity and inclusion strategy. It will be the company’s first step in a long journey, and we’ve had a number of conversations about how ready (or not) the organization may be to begin a discussion about how we can best work and live inclusively. Many of these conversations have ended with a sort of resolution that we need to be careful not to alienate anyone as we look to become more inclusive.
There’s some sound logic to this concern. In an organization that is 88% male (globally), and 85% white (in the U.S.), there is a significant risk that the majority of our workforce could perceive our D&I efforts as being directed at everyone but them. And, frankly, we need them to come along for this journey. We need them to come along as allies and, just as importantly, as a diverse group of individuals unto themselves. I truly believe that there is vast diversity within the population of white males who comprise the majority of our company’s workforce. That’s a message that needs to be stated, and re-stated. These efforts to drive diversity are meant to include and support everyone in the organization.
Along with the concern about alienating the majority population in the workforce, I’ve felt concern over saying the wrong thing with regard to minorities and historically under-represented groups in our company. As a white male myself, I’ve wondered, where is that boundary beyond which I just need to shut up? How do I find that appropriate marker where I’m creating a platform for others, without speaking on their behalf? And are there times when speaking on behalf of others is the right thing to do? I feel like I have a lot of good intentions. Probably enough to pave a whole road…
So there are important things to say, and how we say them is important as well. Intention and impact are both going to be critical, and there’s no way to control the way that every word, every message will be heard.
In April, I attended a conference at Wharton Business School, and Sigal Barsade, Professor of Management presented on communication and emotional intelligence. In the course of her presentation, Professor Barsade raised up the concept of MRI – Most Respectful Interpretation. The idea here is that, when encountering conflict during any communication, we can choose to interpret a statement or question in the most respectful way possible. This may or may not be going against human nature. I certainly know from my own experience that it’s far easier to assume the worst when someone says something that I hear as inflammatory or objectionable. But the idea of MRI challenges us to question what was meant. To assume, in the moment, that what was intended was respectful, then ask a question to understand what was truly meant.
And since then, I’ve found myself thinking that the concept of MRI has a role to play in the work of Diversity & Inclusion. Because this work is tricky. The discussions can go off in unintended directions at any point. The truth is, they probably will. We need to be willing to give one another the benefit of the doubt, to cut each other slack, so that we can reach a better understanding.
I think it’s important to say, however, that MRI doesn’t excuse us from accountability. When I say the wrong thing, I hope that someone will challenge me respectfully. I hope that they’ll ask me what I meant, and that I can learn how to communicate more thoughtfully and effectively the next time. I hope that I might learn something about another culture or experience that I never knew before, and that will enrich my understanding of a colleague.
I guess that I’m saying that this work, this journey of diversity and inclusion is going to ask a lot of everyone involved. It challenges us to listen, to question, to learn, and to better ourselves, thereby bettering our organizations and our communities. And we need to be open to that. We need to go into this knowing that there will be conflict, and believing that good things can spring from that conflict. We must respect one another enough to assume good intent, to clarify misunderstanding, and to learn from one another with a sense of trust and humility.
It’s a tall order. But it feels right. It feels like a better way. And I can’t wait to get started.
